


dangerous woman dot mp3

by OceanOfHours



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Halloween, Idiots in Love, M/M, millennial pop culture as a conduit for desire, thigh high boots as a plot device, tyler's thotty antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 12:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21208439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanOfHours/pseuds/OceanOfHours
Summary: Jamie lifts his head up to look at Tyler. “You want me to walk into that house, full of our teammates, and hide from you for an hour?”“Yeah, think of it as like,” Tyler makes a vague gesture with his hands, “sexy hide and seek?”“Oh my god,” Jamie whispers. “Fine, okay, both feet in. Let’s get in there before I die from blue balls.”





	dangerous woman dot mp3

**Author's Note:**

> Not set in a specific season but inspired by this tweet (https://twitter.com/bitchezhaw/status/1187098220037640192?s=21), the couples costume segment of YCDT, and the discord encouraging me further into this horny spiral.

Jamie knows the photos have hit social media when his phone starts ringing and Tyler’s name pops up. He turns down the music in the kitchen and answers. “Hey, man, what’s going on?”

“You didn’t tell me why Roope and Guri needed our Mario costumes! What the fuck, dude, you looked super hot as Waldo.”

Jamie knows he’s blushing as he puts Tyler on speaker and turns down the burner on his soup. “Yeah, well, it was a last-minute visit and I didn’t plan anything. I think Amy in PR found the Waldo costume in their storage room.”

“You have to ask her for it for Klinger’s party on Saturday. We have to do a hot couple’s costume this year.”

“But we’ve done couples costumes before?”

Tyler scoffs through the phone. “Babe, when have we ever been a sexy couple for Halloween? We went as the Mario _ Brothers _ one year. The opposite of sexy. My dogs have had sexier costumes than ours.”

Jamie sighs and keeps stirring his soup as Tyler works himself up. “Come on, let’s have fun with it this year! Neither of us is hosting, the guys all know, and we have like a week to plan this.”

“Fine!” Jamie exclaims, “Let’s be sexy this year.”

“Great! Keep that Waldo costume, I’m serious.”

“Wait, what are you going to-”

“It’ll be a surprise! Love you, bye!”

The line goes dead and Jamie sighs again. 

\---

They’re spooning on Tyler’s couch the next night watching a baseball game when a commercial for a Halloween store comes on between innings. The main actor is dressed as the girl from _ Stranger Things _and it jogs something in Jamie’s mind.

“So you won’t tell me what you’re gonna be on Saturday?”

Tyler half turns to grin at him. “Not even a little bit.”

Jamie nuzzles into Tyler’s neck. “But it’s a couples costume,” he pouts, “how am I supposed to do my half if I don’t know what yours is?”

“I already told you, you’re Waldo.”

“But doesn’t he hide by himself?”

Tyler fully turns around on the couch and kisses him. “Just let me surprise you, ok? I think you’ll like it.”

That starts them lazily making out while the fifth inning starts. “Wait,” Jamie pulls back to look at Tyler, flushed and definitely on the way to turned on. “That photo of me dressed as Waldo got you hot? Isn’t he from a kids book?”

Tyler groans and leans his head back against the couch. “I’m not hot for Waldo, dude. You just look really sexy in a sweater and glasses.”

Jamie shrugs, _ good enough _ , and they go back to making out until Marshall starts asking to go out, which means Gerry and Cash come over and start nosing Tyler’s back until he’s giggling and getting up to put them out back. Jamie pulls out his phone and starts googling “where’s waldo friends” because he loves and trusts Tyler, but he also really wants to have at least a _ guess_. 

He’s deep into a Wikipedia article about the book series when Tyler comes back and lays directly on top of Jamie. “Urgh dude, you’re heavy, we gotta go sideways.”

Tyler stays where he is and hooks his ankles around Jamie’s. “Mmm no this is really nice, actually.” 

Jamie manages to flip them so that Tyler’s on the inside and Jamie’s back is to the TV. “Now that,” Tyler says as they start making out again, “was definitely hot.”

\---

The party moves to the back of Jamie’s mind as the week wears on. Amy from PR laughs when he asks to hang on to the Waldo stuff through the weekend, but doesn’t say no. Monty’s running them through two new drills in daily practice and they beat the Wild on Friday, in a game that was closer than Jamie’s comfortable with. They don’t have another game until Monday, and he can’t remember the last time he’s had a true weekend off during the season. Jamie manages to mostly forget that the party is even happening until Saturday morning when he wakes up to a text from Tyler, asking for a ride later that night.

_ duh see you at 7 _ Jamie sends back. He stays in bed scrolling instagram for an hour before getting up to make coffee. He gets through a workout, a grocery run, and calling his mom before spending all of five minutes putting on the Waldo costume and grabbing his keys. 

He’s barely pulled into Tyler’s driveway when his passenger door opens and Tyler gets in wearing a red fedora, a red trench coat, and a pair of very red, very shiny, very tall boots.

Jamie’s brain goes offline for a second and he’s suddenly very upset that they’re on their way to a party instead of halfway upstairs to Tyler’s bedroom.

“Carmen Sandiego, huh?”

Tyler has the fucking gall to wink at him. 

Jamie counts to three and throws the car into reverse before he does something stupid.

They’re at a stoplight when Jamie risks looking over at Tyler. “Can you even walk in those?”

Tyler laughs. “I had to practice. Turns out it’s really fucking hard to find these in a size 14.” Tyler props his foot on the dashboard and his coat slips open, revealing that the boots go halfway up his thigh. Jamie also notices that Tyler doesn’t seem to be wearing pants, much less-

A car behind him honks and the light is green. Jamie guns it and ignores how his palms have gotten sweaty. “You’re gonna kill me looking like that,” he manages, “and then they’re going to make Klinger the captain, because you’ve killed me and murderers can’t be captains.”

Tyler laughs again. “You like it, then?”

Jamie can see Klinger’s house down the street and pulls over to park. “Yes I like it, I fucking love it, we’re staying for exactly one hour and then we have to go home so I can fuck you.”

Tyler inhales sharply and Jamie has no idea how they’re going to survive tonight. “Fuck, dude, ok, _ yes_, but also I have an idea.”

Jamie bangs his forehead against the steering wheel. “You’re literally torturing me.”

“What if we like, ‘hide’ from each other all night? You know how like, Waldo and Carmen Sandiego are really good at hiding?”

Jamie lifts his head up to look at Tyler. “You want me to walk into that house, full of our teammates, and hide from you for an hour?”

“Yeah, think of it as like,” Tyler makes a vague gesture with his hands, “sexy hide and seek?”

“Oh my god,” Jamie whispers. “Fine, okay, both feet in. Let’s get in there before I die from blue balls.” 

Tyler smiles and kisses him on the cheek. “Love you, wait five minutes before coming in after me.”

“One day that won’t work on me!” Jamie calls as Tyler closes the door. He looks mostly steady as he walks up to the house, and Jamie stays buckled in the driver’s seat questioning his life choices.

Seven minutes later, Jamie walks into Klingberg’s house and Tyler is nowhere to be seen. The costumes he can see aren’t half bad: Bishop and his wife are Chewbaca and Leia, Miro and his girlfriend are dressed as the old couple from _ Up_, and the rest of the Finns are dressed as an actual Mafia. He feels a slap on his back and a Lone Star is shoved into his hands. 

“Broooooo you made it!” Klinger half yells in his ear. He’s wearing what looks like a peanut butter costume, and Jamie can only assume his fiance is somewhere else dressed as jelly. “Food and booze in the kitchen, bathroom’s down the hall, don’t let Rads near the Spotify.” He wanders off again and Jamie’s forced to duck behind a couch when he sees Tyler’s red hat bobbing above the crowd near the dining room.

“Why are you sitting behind the couch?” Dickinson is standing over Jamie, dressed as Jon Snow and looking confused. Jamie sighs and cracks open the Lone Star. 

“My character’s good at hiding, so I’m hiding.” 

Jason, to his credit, shrugs and asks if he wants anything from the kitchen before walking away. Jamie checks his watch and realizes he’s been there barely ten minutes. He stands up, Tyler’s red hat long gone, and decides he’s going to need a real drink and some food if he’s going to make it through this.

Rads and Dobby are in the kitchen chatting in Russian over a mostly-untouched veggie plate when he walks in. “Didn’t feel like changing, cap?” Rads chirps as Jamie grabs a plate. Rads is dressed as the Terminator and Jamie has no idea how he can see anything through the sunglasses. 

“If it ain’t broke,” Jamie mumbles while biting into a sandwich. 

Dobby snorts and gestures behind him. “You here with Seguin? His costume make sense now. He ask us to hide him if we see you.”

Jamie tries his best to keep a straight face. “Yeah we, uh, thought it would be a funny game.”

Dobby raises an eyebrow but thankfully lets it drop. Jamie asks Rads about his son, which gets Rads buzzing as he pulls out his phone to show Jamie several dozen photos of a chubby, adorable toddler. Through the doorway and across the house, Jamie can see Tyler waiting for the bathroom. 

Jamie excuses himself and lingers in the doorway, waiting for his chance. A minute later, Faksa leaves and Tyler heads into the bathroom and Jamie tries to make the least suspicious dash in behind him. 

“Wait wha-”

Jamie shuts the door behind him and crushes their mouths together. “Couldn’t wait,” he mumbles, grabbing Tyler’s thighs and lifting him onto the bathroom sink. Tyler gets the message and hooks his ankles behind Jamie, pulling him closer.

“Wow, you really couldn’t wait,” Tyler laughs and moves to suck a bruise into a spot under Jamie’s jaw. Jamie pulls at the tie holding Tyler’s coat together and _ holy shit- _

“Fuck, you really aren’t wearing anything under that.”

Tyler pops his tongue around a joyful “nope!” and keeps sucking on Jamie’s neck. Jamie pulls off the stupid hat and fists his hand in Tyler’s hair, pulling Tyler’s head back so they can keep making out. Jamie’s got a hand on Tyler and is about to drop to his knees when the door bangs open and a very unimpressed Roope Hintz is on the other side. 

Tyler scrambles to close his jacket again and Jamie yells “what the fuck, man?”

“You guys are gross, I have to piss.” 

“There’s a bathroom upstairs, mind your business.”

“Fine, bye, don’t come in sink, it’s rude.” Jamie slams the door in his face and makes sure to lock it. He turns around and Tyler is bright red, a big smile plastered on his face. 

“How much do you think they’re gonna fine us?”

Jamie sighs. “Probably a month of glove duty. Worth it though.”

“Yeah?” Tyler says, spreading his legs again.

“Dude, we have to leave this house immediately.” 

Tyler sighs and belts his coat closed. “Fine. My house or yours?”

“Yours,” Jamie says. He unlocks the door and kisses Tyler deeply. “You go first.”

“Wait,” Tyler pauses. “When we get home, boots on?”

“Boots _ on_.”


End file.
